The Poetry I've Been Trying To Post For Three Weeks

(I honestly wish I was kidding about that post title)
((WHOOPS, I scheduled this for the WRONG TIME! My bad!))

what it feels like to fit

i wonder what it feels like to fit 

i have learned not to make myself smaller
but i feel too much for this world
they say my personality is too big
or the way i think is too fast
the things i know are too many

 it is different to feel safe
finally, finally, finally safe
than it is to feel understood or accepted 

what does it feel like to fit somewhere?
what does it feel like to fit with someone?

what in all of time and space
does it even feel like
to not have people stare at you
when you open your mouth
and unexpected parts of your truth
or an unanticipated piece of knowledge
or an unknown direction of thinking
falls out, unimpeded by the limitations
you have always forced upon yourself
so that you do not disconcert others?

or is it that they have a hard time
bending their mind into my mind’s pretzels?

well, sometimes so do i

it is not that i regret learning to be myself
unapologetically and without shame
it turns out i like me very much
he's kinda funny and full of wonder
a world of whimsy in his left hand
a shield of justice in his right
laughter hides the pain in his eyes
works to be exhausted to sleep at night

but i wonder what it feels like to fit
is it even possible for me anymore?
or has that road long since been passed?
was there a crossroads i stood at long ago
when i chose to walk the way of Frost?
the way less traveled is beautiful, yes
is it the way of the never understood?

i have no way of knowing or guessing
in this time where i am locked and sit
i can’t say i regret that i chose this way
but i wonder what it feels like to fit

Nightlight

Oh, what's that light I always keep on?
The one that burns blue by night and day?
It burns away my nightmares and memories
Things I try not to think and cannot say 

It's not really the darkness the scares me
It's the repeating memories of a repeated time
When I lay in the darkness deep, dying alone
Afraid to ask or scream for help and someone kind

See, I knew no one in that place would answer
Or if they did, they'd cuss, scold, scream, or curse
Until I could not bring myself to try again
Until I had to wonder what was really worse

Dying in agony, to pass into the waiting dark
Or struggling to rise beyond my pain's flame
To try to walk, fail, and still rise, refuse Death
Lose everything but keep breathing the same

That darkness left its claw marks in my mind
I feel them sharpest in the deep parts of the night
I try to ease the painful scars it left behind
Soothe away old terror with memories of light

So that's why I always keep that light burning
I'm not ready to face what I see in the waiting dark
And though it was hard, then, to choose to live
I'm glad I rose from my ashes with a kindling spark