Setbacks and Steps Up

Orpheus Wren

19 Jan 2026 — 6 min read

Cartoon of a man wearing a tie and button up with folded arms, looking irritated, followed by another panel of the man with his arms in the arm, saying "I GUESS" and seeming very unhappy about something. I have NO idea what comic this is by the way.

My found family nephew brought home a cold or a flu and I have unfortunately caught it. I'm not actually feeling too poorly, honestly, which surprises me! Poor Birb (the public name I use for my nephew) feels miserable. We've got a pot of Brotchan Foldchep on the stove for anyone who wants soup and I think the tea pots are going to be busy for a few days.

A bigger issue I've been facing is my left elbow. When I broke my wrist in May of 2024, it will have inevitably sustained some damage that EDS is probably telling me about right now. Worse, the night after surgery to put in my plate and 7 pins (the break was pretty gnarly...), I was too loopy from the anesthetic and pain to realize that if I could not feel or move my arm, it would not be able to hold up its own weight. I tried to hold my wrist up for one moment while I got into bed and it flopped over in what I'm guessing was probably a pretty painful way to the elbow. But I couldn't feel it at the time.

All this to say, those nerves are awake, those muscles are Not Amused, and I am in so much pain that I have been standing in the doorway of my seizure threshold for the past four days. Birb noticed before I did, and it's because of him that I can now identify the earlier symptoms of my seizure aura. I managed it yesterday when he was out with his dad.

If you ever see me saying "I love this kid," please know this is only one of many reasons. We're a little pair bonded, like I was half-dead, mangy stray tomcat that was dubiously adopted and he was a skitchy kitten that hid from everyone.

Between feeling ill and the nerve pain, I've not been getting much done recently. I have learned a lot of lessons about when I need to rest and when I'm doing reasonably okay and it's been more of a "lie the fuck down" vibe over here this week.

Additional trouble, a bit ago one of my EDS ribs shifted and it's making it a little more difficult to breathe than usual. I was trying to get some food so I could have a hammock day and while bending over to get yogurt out of the fridge, I got the "sit down immediately" signal from my body, and that is one I always regret not listening to. So I sat on the floor, my nephew grabbed me my inhaler and some medicine for my cold, and he helped me up and back to my hammock* once I could breathe a little better. So yeah. Today is a hammock* day.

However...

I've spent a lot of time since the aneurysm meditating. Some of my muscles couldn't unclench until I searched them out with body scan meditation and convinced them relaxing would be less painful. I was able to do that some for my elbow and the nerve pain is improving. Keeping that arm in a sling except when I'm in my hammock* has probably helped too.

And this illness is pretty mild. I'm honestly surprised, usually I get WAY sicker than everyone else! Maybe I'm finally growing an immune system, at the ripe age of 37? Or maybe my body just finally has the right fuel to fight. You would be amazed how much protein I tend to consume, but if I don't get enough my muscles start screaming. They're all growing. I'm way more buff than I've ever been and honestly I don't do much. Latent nerve signals, maybe. I know there's damage that's been repairing.

Also, a friend reached out to me the other day to ask if I still did book formatting. I do, as it turns out! I just haven't since the brain aneurysm because, well. Why would I, during all that? I could barely think for a long while after. And after i had recovered enough, I sort of forgot I was doing that as a gig. Brain damage has eaten a lot of stuff, but I suspect this was more an ADHD whoopsie. If I don't see it, it must not exist, right?

The good news with my rib is I am almost sure that the rib that shifted is the one that's been out of place for a few years and it feels (potentially) like it's back in place now. Everything around it hates this development, but you know what I like? I recognized the need to sit, I listened, and I got the help I needed from my found family. That's... kind of incredible to me. Like a tiny miracle.

There was a time absolutely none of that would have happened. I wouldn't realize I needed to rest. Even if I did, I probably wouldn't have listened, or maybe I wouldn't have been allowed to. And my family, my blood family or my husband (we're separated), would not have given me the help I needed. I was pretty brain scrambled, not being able to breathe does a number on your system, and I was having trouble communicating. I would heve been screamed at for that by the people who should have helped me.

I'm in therapy for a lot of reasons. This is one.

But my found family brother and Birb were able to ask the right questions enough that I could break though the brain scramble enough to communicate where my inhaler was, my medicine was, my water was. My brother made certain I was okay and a hospital wasn't needed this time and my nephew helped me get back to hammock* safely.

Everything, absolutely everything, after "However..." is a huge step up from where I have been. I was able to treat the problem in my elbow with medication and meditation and rest. I am less sick than typically I should be (WILD to me!!). Someone remembered I do a job and asked if I would work with them on that job. Of course! I'm really good at that job and it makes my Autism very happy. And my rib is back in place, but more importantly... I realized I needed to rest. And my found family realized I needed help and gave it to me without berating me for it.

I can't tell you how healing that last one is. Or how proud I am of myself for realizing I needed to rest and then resting without pausing to fight myself about it. I could not have done that, once.

My life has been a train of setback after setback after setback. People ask me very often how I survive it all, how I got this strong that I can just roll with them. And the truth is, there is no strength in surviving that. None at all.

I just learn to look for the steps up. No matter how small they seem from outside, I know when something is big for me. Like seeing I have a bicep to flex (this is new to me), enjoying a sunset, getting a hug or a snuggle from Birb, taking a slightly longer walk than last time...

Life is going to hand you setbacks. It's okay to mourn that a bit, it's normal, it's human. The five stages of grief? I'm an expert at them. In fact, the day this posts will be the second anniversay of my grandfather's passing. He was one of a very short list of people in my family who loved me for myself, no matter who that was.

But you survive setback after setback by looking for those steps up and choosing to see those more than the setbacks. Embracing the good while acknowledging the bad. You can't stop things from going wrong in ways you can't predict, after all, and you shouldn't ignore the reality of it. That's a terrible idea.

All you can do is choose what you see more of after it's happened. The hard times will inevitably come, but those aren't the only times, are they?

The sky will still be ever changing, the sun will rise everytime it sets. The tide will roll in and out, the rivers will still flow to find it, sometimes leaving dry beds behind them. The wind will whisper and rush and gale, and sometimes it will bring storms. But those clouds always clear eventually, don't they? The rain must stop and the sun will shine again.

And sometimes, if you're paying attention, you find the flowers the rain left behind.

That is how you survive.

You look for the flowers.