A Fall Without A Crash

Last Tuesday, I was supposed to weed more of the garden. I even got up and went outside to do so, but something felt... off. I am too familiar now with my brain saying "something ain't right" and then suddenly my left leg collapses or something to ignore that signal. I decided to rest until I knew what was hurting and if I could do anything I'm not already doing.

By the end of that afternoon, I was aware my left wrist was very irritated somewhere (this is always a puzzle after the break) and my right hip was preparing to play the same trick my left hip had played and probably have me falling on my face again. For my hip, now that I'm aware what is causing that specific irritation there are some stretches I can do.

My wrist is a bit of a more difficult problem. I broke my left radius May 17th of 2024. I'll spare you the grisly details, but it was a pretty ugly break in its own way. I've been told that twenty years ago, they probably would have amputated my hand because of this break and how impossible it is to repair without a plate and several pins. There's still a lot of swelling sometimes because as the larger nerves are repaired, the smaller nerves misfire; "Hey! There is damage here!" A signal that should have gone out nearly two years ago, but couldn't yet.

My wrist has caused or been a significant factor in a lot of seizures. The pain gets pretty intense sometimes and pain is a common trigger. If I'm already right at the edge of my threshold, a particularly sharp ouch from something can send me over the edge into seizure land.

So I decided to rest a day. One day turned into two turned into "Hey, it's Sunday. I already skipped Thursday due to pain all Wednesday and Thursday. I should at least update people and apologize."

So yeah. I'm not trusting my wrist because lol I know better. I'm not getting much done outside, I have to limit how much I write with my wrist like this, I don't feel safe walking anywhere on this leg, and it's been in the 30s C/90s F all week so sitting in the yard sounds... burny.

I'm frustrated. I am so, so frustrated. And I know that I need to be patient because when I am not patient, I hurt myself worse.

On the bright side, because I feel like we all need to look for the small bright sides these days... I live in a house with air conditioning. I have plants growing in the garden, yes even in this heat. I have found family who loves me in ways I knew I needed but hadn't truly experienced yet. And while the pain is sometimes very bad... The pain is also generally getting better.

I still hate when I fall, but at least this time I managed to control the landing. So this time, I didn't crash so much as slump.

I'll take it.

I'll see you, hopefully, on Thursday with either some poetry or some fiction. Someday soon I'll try to do some three post weeks to make up for being ill. Right now, though, I'll focus my energy on not being ill.

What a beautiful dream...